i think writing is a way to look at myself. Everything stops. And you write without thinking too much. You don't want to feel rush when you write. And don't think too much when you write down the first draft. you just keep on writing , put out all the stuff that you have in your mind, whether you know is conciously or unconsiously.
I think about my life here, sometimes. I don't have much friend here, and the friend i have, we don't have much fun together. It is kind of boring. Cannot go back to the sweet old time right?
i always think i want to change. always think about what to do next. But most of the time i didn't success. i may do it, but i will have prosponed it for a long time that i cannot bear with it anymore. Just like buying car, learning car, finding advisor, working out body. I hate that kind of feeling. why can't i be the man who is more proactive?
I played too much game. I spend too much time browsing deal site to catch a deal. I didn't spend much time thinking my future.
I would rather that i die. no. it is not good. i can still do it better,right? I never thought i can have a love relationship once some time in high school. I have a very low self-image at that time. Maybe this affect me when i choose advisor.
but anyway, here i am, as a 3rd years phd student in united states, i once have a dream for my love, my scienctific endeavor and life and i will still pursue it.
